simplicity.

5 Angsana ‘13. 

Finally, a family :) What a great beginning to the month of March! We got third for the drama competition, but we celebrated as if we got first! Had good conversations, took more than 300 photos and did the Harlem Shake in class! Such a great day, never had this much fun in school before! So thankful for everyone- especially my ‘brother’ in this drama and the people who had faith in me :D <3 Thank You God, for Your guidance. 

So i realised how i always tend to look back and get depressed because i miss all those memories. I was depressed for a week after i came back from my hometown where i celebrated cny this year, that’s how bad i am. But i’m learning :) When something comes to an end, something else begins. I know i have to look forward and move on, cause that’s what life is all about, isn’t it? There’s no use dwelling on the past. The past becomes fond memories, and that’s about it. Time to be more optimistic.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” 
― Dr. Seuss.

Blessed. :’)

My whole week so far seems to revolve around that word. However, I do not dare say i know the meaning of that word. I feel that the word is so wrongly used nowadays. Do people even know the power and the true meaning of this word? I doubt it. Wikipedia defines love as an emotion of a strong affection and personal attachment. Love is also said to be a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion and affection. 

1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

There you go. Love defined from the Bible. (It’s ironic how this was the reading in church on Sunday. Which means, the beginning of this week.) It’s amazing isn’t it? Well, is YOUR love like this? Patient, kind, not envious and so on? Cause i’m getting sick of all the jealousy and anger that is present in what we call, love. Yes, it is human nature to have such feelings, but we definitely have to realize that if what we proclaim as ‘love’ is full of elements like jealousy and anger, then it is not love. It is not love. There are clear misunderstandings about the word love nowadays, but is there an understanding to love? Yes. 1 Corinthians 13. Enough said. If your love is something like Wikipedia’s definition, just a personal attachment or strong emotion, well it’s high time you think about this feeling you call ‘love’ again. Do you know what you mean when you say something like ‘i love you’ to someone? Love is a huge word, with only four letters. However, only few seem to care about what it really means. 

You know, when i say my whole week revolved around the word love, it doesn’t mean i felt it. In fact, my feelings were far from love. How ironic, the theme for the inter-class form 5 drama competition is ‘Kindness + Charity = LOVE’ -Yes, it’s that word again! What i expected from this activity is for my whole class to be united and excited. Yet, here we are, arguing over which script to choose (from 5 different scripts) and now in the process of making a new one. NO ONE bothers to voice out their opinion, even when they don’t like it. I hate how it’s causing such tension between us. Swear words flying everywhere, hatred, and dislike. My class is falling apart, not that we were ever united in the first place. Where is the love, my friends? No one is working together, and some people just can’t be bothered. Leave that aside. I guess i got frustrated over some issues of certain friends and i got sick of trying to help. But a friend told me the love we should share with our neighbors is the kind of love that is divine, almost sacrificial and unconditional. The difficult part about this is we are supposed to be allow ourselves to be taken advantage of in love! LOVE, especially when it is most difficult. Truly an eye-opener. I really hope i can do this and be more patient. It’s just so hard to take in everything at the moment. 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 

Look at how the world is becoming of lately. The world is so dangerous, full of evil, greed and negativity. Now we can have FAITH and believe that we can make a change, we can have HOPE that things will get better. But most importantly, we need to learn how to LOVE. God said, ‘Love one another as I have loved you.’ Let’s keep that in mind, shall we? 

It’s not difficult to make me happy. All that’s required is a good and meaningful conversation. 

Welcome to my life. So demotivated and so discouraged, but it’s not like i never knew i was like that. Today, i was merely reminded, once again. But it hit me.. Hard. My last year in high school and i don’t have a clue about what i’m going to do. (It’s crazy that i don’t even know whether i’m a Science person or an Arts person) Even in church, i don’t know how i can give my best to God because i’m not sure how i can serve to my fullest. I CAN’T EVEN DECIDE WHICH INSTRUMENT SUITS ME THE BEST. What’s the point if i know how to play everything when i’m good at none? Useless. I don’t have a subject which i’m sure i’m very good at in school. And.. I don’t know what i’m passionate about. Yet everyone tells me: ‘You’re destined for goodness, Megan.’ Well, look here. There are no paths for me to choose. There is no goal. There is no purpose. I remember when i was in primary school, my dad already told me that i was the jack of all trades, master of none. This was because i was number one in my whole standard, but i wasn’t the best in any subject. It bothered me that he said that, but it seemed pretty unimportant at that time. Now what? I clearly can’t ‘specialize’. Meaning, just be good at something. Huge sigh. When will i finally figure out where i’m heading to? God, i’m desperate to know your plans for me. I don’t want to figure things out myself. Just show me the way. I’m listening. First week of 2013 and i’m already getting depressed. Way to go. Last holidays, i was very certain i would figure all these out, but they were simply pushed to the back of my mind. I need to know why i’m here and i want to make a difference. 

“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain’t you. You’re better than that!”

- Because this brings back good memories.

Today. Today, is the start of a new year. Started off the year great by going for mass at SIC! It felt great, i was actually happy and looking forward to this new year! At 2am, three psychos- Anthony, Dash and Victor crashed my house. Honestly, i do not know what was going on in their minds! But i’m grateful they came to visit me and talk. We did have pretty good conversations until about 6am? Psychotic, i repeat. Had a great conversation on the phone after that and five hours of sleep! Went out with Chrishen, Jon and Anthony in the evening for awhile and the highlight of our conversation was.. JUICE. Pretty funny :) Not looking forward to school at all tomorrow, but i guess it’s about time i get used to it again! First day of 2013 and i already feel helpless. I need wisdom and clarity of mind. 

There’s a lot i want to say about my last month of 2012. Rally was the main highlight but there were pretty important stuff after that! I have not reflected on 2012 yet, and i don’t know why i’m avoiding to do so. I think it was a good year though. :) A 2012 post shall come soon! Oh, and i think i started off the year pretty gangster! Hehehe. (Skipped report card day cause i was tired, aw yeah.) Finally, mentally ready for school. 

Happy birthday, Rodney Ng! Yes, your birthday’s on 30th December, but I’m at Bandung and this is my only free time :P I’m glad I got to know you better and actually talk to you nearing the end of this year! (Thanks to confirmation camp) It’s been a blessing :) No more emo-ing next to the window all ah! Hahaha. Waiting for that one day! God bless you.

Gave me every single feeling in this world! To describe this whole camp in one word, it’d be- FULFILLING! Yes, fulfilling! All the hard work paid off, and it was worth getting sick to the extent that people thought i was going to die! Got an average of 3 hours of sleep everyday during camp, but the drive to serve was definitely there, and that was all that was needed to go on for five days :) Praise and worship, workshops, DWTL, opening & closing night, sessions, dorm discussions and GAMES! It was crazy, but i’m so blessed. Everything went well, and better than expected! This camp had such a big impact, everything was so memorable :’) The atmosphere, the conversations and God’s presence! Not forgetting gladiators in the rain! Hehe. I am so thankful for the amazing friends i have!

I learnt that there’s a huge difference between joy and happiness! Happiness is temporary but joy is ETERNAL. Joy usually comes from within, whereas happiness comes from probably materialistic items and what not. Joy is just something much deeper, and it is what we humans are searching for! True joy comes from God :) Sigh, it’s so true that the world nowadays is less joyful. Less people are smiling! A massacre happened in US. Oh well, we really have to pray. 

PHILIPPIANS 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always! <3 The theme song’s stuck in mah head!